Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Once Upon A Time.....

Once upon a time in land far away, called Ohio, there lived a bitter young woman witch and her young son. One day,on a blind date, she met handsome young man who looked like Tyrone Powers (a very popular movie star, way back in the olden times).
She immediately placed a spell on the Tyrone look-a-like and he was smitten. Soon after they met, the couple married and the man kept busy getting a college degree and working full time.
The witch was very anxious to escape her past get away from her family and all the witch haters in their small town. Because the wicked witch was sick of the cold weather and snow, she persuaded cast a spell on her husband, and they moved to Florida.

Fifteen years later, the wicked witch and the handsome man now had a large family. Unfortunately, the witch would not allow the L word spoken in her house (and I don't mean lesbian). Hugs and/or kisses were strickly forbidden and affection in any form was highly disapproved of. Also,the witch was evil and mean to her children, never buying them toys or treats and forcing them to spend their days outside in the hot sun, only letting them drink water from the garden hose (which on a hot day can reach a scalding temperature - at least to a young child). Then, the witch decided to join the women's movement and forced her husband and children to fend for themselves.
After approximately 30 years of marriage, when most of the children were grown up (or at least, old enough to drive) the witch's enchantment began to wear off the handsome man. He was starting to emerge from the black cloud and enjoy life.
One day, the wicked witch caught the man speaking to another woman and she went into a jealous tizzy and turned the handsome man into a toad (or divorcee, you decide).
The toad was now free to love his children without fear that the witch could harm him with her evil magic. He rescued his youngest child from the evil witch and they went to live with B, a nice lady from Pennsylvania.
They moved into B's nice house with her two daughters and her son. And they all lived happily ever after for many years.
However, one day the man's friend was choking on some meat and the man ran over and performed the Heimlich Maneuver and saved his choking friend.
What a hero!
Unfortunately, the handsome hero later died from injuries sustained from his heroic effort.
The man's child was forced to reconcile with her mother, the witch, and all the children lost touch.
Many years past until one day the children all joined Facebook and found each other again.

The moral of this story? Do not join Facebook if you have long lost peeps that you want to stay long and lost. Anybody else have any FB finds?
This has a been a semi-autobiographical story and explains why I am traveling AGAIN this weekend to visit the girls that were once part of my family. Since I haven't seen them in about 15 years or more, I am a little nervous. But extremely excited. (not digging that 4 hour drive to Tampa though)


  1. or should I say LOVE Facebook? It's a love/hate thing, ya know??

  2. Aw Binks, I'm so happy that you get to see them again! Facebook can be an awesome thing for reuniting! I love it there, well I would love it if I could figure it all out, I was so used to Myspace and it's totally different.
    Have an uber fantastic trip to Tampa!!!

  3. Oh my fucking god. Seriously,that was the funniest post I have read in a long time. Thanks for making me feel a little more normal when it comes to personal family sagas. Whew. Good luck I think, right???

  4. "semi"-autobiographical???? lol
    Not sure I remember the hose part though...:-(
    Miss you Dad!!!!!


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