Thursday, February 12, 2009

The disappearance of Binks -#191

I have been getting crap from my two devoted blog stalkers / non commenters about the severe drought here at Binksday for the last couple of weeks.

It is not really my desire to share this, but maybe if I just get it out there, my long missing bloggy mojo will return.

**Warning** this post may contain material that is not the usual sarcastic humor regularly scheduled on this blog. If you are looking for laughs today, you may want to leave now, before you get sucked into the vortex.


Depression is a nasty taskmaster.

I tell him everyday that I have so much to be blessed for and he just needs to go away, but he has other ideas. (and yes, my depression taskmaster is a he. No woman would wish this on anyone. Add on PMS.... depression is a farking double whammy)

I really have no reason for this bout of the blues. Yet, I can't seem to loosen his grip.

  1. My husband and I both have jobs and can pay our mortgage.

  2. I have a home that is in a safe neighborhood and it is generally sound. (at least this month)

  3. My family is in good health, today.

  4. I love my husband (most of the time) and he adores me too. (I can't generally speak for him, but I am sure 'most of the time' would fit him too. Hey, nobody's perfect.)

  5. I have friends that care about me both IRL & Bloggy. (you guys still remember me, right?)

I don't usually whine about it.
In fact, I rarely talk about it.
Depression, he's very tricky, when life's fractures widen even a fraction, the big D sticks his caustic finger in and poisons your being.

He cripples me and limits what I can and cannot do.
His corrosive attitude invades my speech and actions until I don't even like myself.

He sucks.

I think it all started with the anticipation of my birthday. Not wanting to get older and all that that encompasses. Now that it has come and gone, I am already feeling a bit better. The fact that my son, can't or won't get a job and expects me to support him for God knows how long, coupled with the fact that the two men in my life don't see eye to eye. Then, one of my good friends is going through chemo for Stage IV ovarian cancer. I haven't spent nearly enough time with her since her surgery and treatments. I love her dearly, but sometimes, she just drives me crazy. It makes me feel like a bad friend and a bad person. Mix it all up with a good size portion of many feelings of inadequacy. You've got quite a depression cocktail. (unlike a frozen cocktail, which may make me feel much better)

All in all, I don't think these are the cause of the blues, they just add to the weight pressing down on my life.

I'm not really looking for the magic pill or solutions for my problems, I just wanted to get it down and out of my head.

I would like to publicly thank MissMel for her support and time last week helping me deal. Love you chica!

And to everyone who actually made it all the way down here, thanks for listening and caring. It really means the world to me.


  1. I feel you! I was just about to write my Poor me post. Hang in there. I know it's hard to focus on the good things we do have. I'm trying that too today. Huggs!

  2. Oh sweetie. You have a lot going on and sometimes, yes, those things can get the better of us.
    If you need anything, let us know.

  3. I wonder if it is the time of year. I felt terribly blue for a couple weeks and barely posted on my blog at all. I even thought about deleting the whole thing. And I read on other blogs people feeling the same way. So, know you are not alone and we miss you when you aren't here.

  4. If you aren't into the magic pills try chocolate.
    Chocolate helps. So does vodka.
    Srsly, depression s.u.c.k.s.the Big One.

  5. Damn, I could have written big chunks of this post. I'm trying to make myself look at things differently, being thankful for the good things and not focusing on what I lack. Sometimes, it's just easier to be sad....and I hate that.

    I find anything "on the rocks" helps. :)

  6. Binks I have missed you so much. Girl you hang in there and here's a hug from me! If that doesn't make you feel better, I'll send Vodka and lemonade and drown depression.
    I have my turn with Mr Depression ocassionally and wonder why he must turn my otherwise wonderful life upside down? Hang in there girlfriend and give a shout out if you need someone I'll hop a plane and come down. I'm always up for a road trip.

  7. Well, if it helps in the least, it's good to see you back in blog world! I keep checkin' thinking you're traveling the country again... and I really, truely feel this time of year has so much to do with feeling that way. And if nothing else makes you feel better, think of me with no job, kids who throw f bombs, and while I thought I lived in a safe neighborhood I had gypsies almost kill my family two nights ago. Feel better? Big hug.

  8. Thanks for the love everyone.
    It's always nice to know that you aren't the only once going through rocky times.

  9. It has to be air-bourne. Big Stupid D-man has been scratching at my door, too, making ugly marks. We all are blessed, but it is hard NOT to focus on the ripples. I love you and am here for you if you need to scream and cry. I will do the harmony.

  10. I know a lot about how you feel. Mr. D is my enemy, too. Hope you send him packing soon. Very soon.

  11. Hey Binks...I'm so sorry I don't live closer to take you to lunch or just to be there for you more! I am one of those people that can only deal with problems for a bit then I want to run and get back to my comfy zone where the stress can't take hold!

    love ya!

  12. Oh, Binks, my Florida friend. I just stopped by because I was wondering where you've been. I'm sorry to hear you are feeling low. Depession is a real Bastard! I completely agree, he must be a man. There is so much of this going around. I hear it everywhere and as much as I deny it, I hear it in my own head too. I wish you WELL my friend. Isn't it great to have this outlet where you can put it all down. No judgements. This bloggy world is a very cool place. I'm glad you have friends around you IRL for support. Hang in there kiddo. We're all pulling for ya!

  13. Hey, I was wondering what was going on with you. Sorry, I just got back from the funeral and as you know, life kept going without me so when I returned I hit the ground running. You know, I fight Mr. Depression as well. Have tried the pills, prayer, yoga, excercise, you name it. And, as you, I know I am so very blessed but struggle daily to stay on track. Since my mom suffered from clinical depression, it scares me even more. However, I think in addition to all you have one you at all times, the ways of the world add to our internal sadness, or at least mine. How could it not? So, just remember how strong you are (I have seen it)and how loved you are. Remember the ol' One Day At A Time, it really can work. Or, better yet, sometimes for me it is just hour-by-hour. I also enjoyed our chat, and am going to make an effort to chat more often. Do something nice for just you. Love you:)

  14. Very well said and amen to every single word... Coming from a family with a long history of depression going way back to God only knows when, I can totally relate and think it sucks that anyone has to deal with it for any reason whatsoever.


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