Friday, November 21, 2008

Leather Clam and her Bald Captain - a continuation of a crazy GWO

I have been hesitant to post this and finally decided to just dive right in. Please don't be offended. It was the true happenings of our girl's weekend. You will note, my voice is mostly silent. I was laughing way to hard to speak.
There is only 90 items left in my reader and I am getting caught up with life. Here is the continuation of TMI (too much information - way too much information).

****WARNING - R RATED ****

Now, I just want to warn you that this particular post may be a little extremely "off-color". So, if you are easily offended or a tad prude, you may want to "move along - nothing to see here".

I won't be mad, really, I understand.
But the whole weekend was non-stop laughter......

After the park closed and we were soaked from some Popeye ride, we went back to the hotel and got changed up for Webber's birthday dinner. We went to the The Palm restaurant. I've eaten there before and it was so loud (think Friday's on steroids) you had to yell to hear your dinner companions. It was not too loud this night, but the food was not so great and the bill was.... let's just say you could fed a small, third world country for that amount.

Then we headed over to Citywalk and went to the Red Coconut Club. I was fully expecting the younger girls to be wild and crazy, especially LC, she readily admits to being a "wild child".
Very disappointing....sucky band, sucky music and sucky crowd. (although we were quite amused when the lesbian duo - not that there is anything wrong with that - picked up an entire bridal shower).

Eventually, we went back to the hotel where the conversation went from kids and work to husbands, sex and shaving.

I think it all started when Webber and LC (her SIL) started discussing how hairy their husbands were (they're brothers) and moved to chest hair trimming.
Webber (to LC), "does he shave his back?"
LC, "yes, he has." Webber,"I never noticed."
LC,"how would you notice he shaves his @ss?" Webber,"WHAT?!?!?" "Really? He shaves that?"
Then, LC mentioned that Superspouse was also guilty of shaving "down there - his Guido hair". Webber was amazed, she just deals with the forest her husband sports. LC then went into a lengthy explanation on how Superspouse sits in the bathroom and moves his "junk" around to shear his nuts.
Someone else asked "if you have no hair, was it still possible to get dingle berries?
Of course, everyone was crying at this point.

I told Webber her not to be so shocked. I would be really surprised to see anyone under the age of 30 with any sort of "down there" hair at all. I am sure that landing strips don't mean a long asphalt road at the airport to those kids, they of anal floss fame.
LC then shared how she is a germ-o-phobe and how body hair freaks her out. And here is how LC became "LC": First, she revealed that she shaves her "papper" (her word) bald every day and has since she was in high school. More amazement from Webber. "Every day?"
Yep, every day - bald. Webber,"how?" LC, "oh it's easy, I don't even look any more. It is just *swipe*swipe*swipe motion*. My papper is tough. A tough clam."
Now, when you think tough skin, you think leather and viola'- the leather clam.
And that my friends is the story of Leather Clam and her bald Captain.

Sunday morning, I woke to more conversations of pappers and shaving and sex. LC informed us that her papper was the smallest papper in history and is smaller than her 5yo daughter. It was so small, in fact that she once had to show it to her friends because they didn't believe her. She would gladly show us, as long as we didn't mind the "pad".

Ummmm..... thanks, I think I'll pass.

The discussion soon devolved to positions or shall we say rear positions. LC , again, had no problems sharing all her experiences (that girl is an open book). Webber was amazed. "You are a germ-o-phobe but you' ll put your tongue there? Really?" All this talk brought us right back to the kids and the pool. Blumpkin anyone?

I think I heard every slang word for every possible configuration known to mankind that weekend. Not that it will mean anything to this vanilla girl.

Do you guys have any friends or family that continues to "share" TMI?
Or, if you feel so inclined, you can share your TMI here - just this once.

BTW - I know some "words" are spelled and/or hyphenated incorrectly, it is to keep the pervs at bay.


  1. no shaving. no shaving here..........(only once when I was young, drunk and in love...)

  2. Good morning Sunshine!
    What a way to wake up.

  3. I love this post! And I miss my girlfriend weekends in Philadelphia...I am past due! That is quality conversation every girl must have ... and hubby "manscapes" all the time and I absolutely love it... as for my papper...not sure I should advertise here???

  4. My girls in Kansas City used to share EVERYTHING... Here in Norway, NOT SO MUCH....

    Although I have a mouth like a sailor I turn bright red when folks start sharing EVERYTHING... I think it is funny though.

  5. hahaha...I was there and I am still confused...and somewhat repulsed! hilarious though!

  6. Dont forget...LC also shared her story of being tarred and feathered by Superspouse's pubes & mounds of other assorted body hair which he conveniently left in a folded towel on the bathroom vanity...the towel, appearing clean & fresh, was later used for drying off by the poor, unsuspecting, super tiny, leather clam.

  7. Ha! Susan is willing to share her husband's grooming routine but not her own? I'm sure he loves that. :)

  8. ROFL!!! I was going to mention the tar and feathering! It was a great weekend. We must have another round, soon!

  9. OK so after you linked this is in the other post I had to come read it. How funny. I sure wish I could have a girls weekend :(


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